I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
