i jhust puked up my retainher.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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