Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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