She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
