I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize