made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
