fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize