where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
