i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
