she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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