dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
