wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
