where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
