Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
