I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
