Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
