I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
