I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
