they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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