Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
