he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
