Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I need to align my fucking chakras
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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