I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
They have beer where we have blood.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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