Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
