I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
