I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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