Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
