Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
