9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
