I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
