ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Drunk walkin through police station. America
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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