is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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