the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just invented taco cereal.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
