tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
