My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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