I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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