i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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