whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize