she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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