My room smells like vodka and shame
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
