dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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