you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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