You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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