if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
