he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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