we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
