Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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