Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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