Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
