My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
