why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Help. Why am I so naked?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
