Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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