If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
