Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
