opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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