apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
