Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
