It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
