oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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