THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
