is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
