I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
