areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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