I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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