there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
