I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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