i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize