great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Four minutes until I can fart!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
