apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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