it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize
