oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I need water and some morals
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
