I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why is there bacon in the couch?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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