Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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