$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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